Ponderings In The Field of Grace

It’s been one of those days where my mind has just been messing with me. It’s actually kind of ironic, since this morning started out with me watching part of “Legend of the Dragon” on Toon Disney with the boys. In that episode one of the characters had to battle his own doubts, literally.

I haven’t had a literal battle, but it has felt pretty close. I’ve been trying so hard to get things in order, and they aren’t that bad. But they just aren’t where I would like them to be. You know?

I’m still getting things planned out for the rest of the week for school. There’s a mountain of dishes staring at me even as I type, and I truly would like to get some quiet reading time in sometime today. I just don’t know if it is going to happen. I guess the only way for things to improve though, is for me to get moving and just do it.

Wish me luck…

I just realized I haven’t finished the list of “25 Ways Parents Provoke Their Children to Anger”. So I thought I would finish up on that and give you an update of sorts.

21. Abusing them physically.

22. Ridiculing or Name Calling.

23. Unrealistic Expectations (i.e. Know their limits!)

24. Practicing Favoritism

25. Child Training with Worldly Methodologies Inconsistent with God’s Word

Just so you know how things are going here, I have to honestly say this book has been a real blessing to me and my children. Mainly, it has emphasized to me, that once again, I have to get myself right if I am going to expect it of my children.

M1 has improved dramatically in his responses to discipline since I have been following some of the suggestions Mr. Priolo has made. The “kicker” so to speak is that I haven’t even begun implementing any of the suggestions for the child yet. I have only been using the suggestions he made for parents.

I have begun to realize it truly is a “heart” issue, for both of us. My heart was not always in the right place because I was “tired, worn out, and frustrated”. And I was all of those things due to my own actions. I was letting things slide because “They’re just kids.” I overlooked things because I was too “busy”, and I just was not investing in my kids the way I needed to. Well, prayerfully, that is changing. As a result I can see a difference in my children. They understand now what is expected of them, and they are more willing to do it. The best thing about all of this though, is we are beginning to enjoy each other again!

I was reading last night in 1 Kings about the prophet Elijah. He was on the mountain of God, and God spoke to him there. He had been in a cave on the mountain, but went out of it to hear God.

First came the wind, then came the earthquake, and then came the fire, but still God had not spoken. It wasn’t until all of that was over that God spoke to Elijah in a still voice.

That has really stuck with me today. First came the wind. How many times have I felt like everything that possibly could had been thrown at me?á Second came the earthquake. After having everything thrown at me, how many times has something happened which shook the very foundation of my soul? Third came the fire. When I have been shook to the core, how many times have I felt like I was going through a refining fire? Then, when all of this was finishing up, how many times have I finally been able to hear God speak to me?

Truthfully, it hasn’t always happened that way, but it has happened. Elijah was just like us. He had to wait on God, because he had to be ready to listen and hear God’s voice. He had to be ready to do what God said. He had to be obedient.

I’ve been struggling with obedience in my life lately over little things. Obedience is hard, but I know it will be worth it.

In the last few years, it seems I have had everything thrown at me. Then I haveá had my whole “church” life rocked upside down. And even now, I am feeling the flames of the refining fire. The song “In the Waiting” has been on my mind a lot lately. It’s kind of where I feel like I am. I am being refined, and I’m waiting, waiting on the voice of God.

Sorry it’s been so long since I wrote. I’ve been trying to do better with school and getting the house straightened. I’m still working on it by the way…

Anyhow, we’ve gotten a lot done with school, and I’ve been getting things in order to start Dave Ramsey’s program. We are working on getting a budget in place so we can begin to put some money back. As it is right now, we live paycheck to paycheck. Not a place you want to be for the rest of your life, trust me!

As we’ve been going through that, I have also been continuing my reading in Heart of Anger. It has been a tough read at times, because honestly, I am seeing a lot of things I don’t like about myself. However, the good news is that I am realizing what some of these bad things are and I am working to change them. I’ll probably post more of this book later.

This past week I also began reading Harry Potter. I have always said I didn’t want to read it because of all the witchcraft in the book, and how it seemed to glorify things the Bible condemns. I finally decided to read it because the more I thought about it, the more I realized I was going on the basis of other people’s opinions, and if I truly wanted to be able to articulate my thoughts, I needed to know what I was talking about. So since last week I have already read the first two books, and truthfully, I don’t think they are that bad. However, they are also not something I am going to encourage my children to read at a young age. I want them to be grounded in their faith when/if they read it. That way prayerfully, they will be able to spit out the seeds of the things which go against our beliefs. I’m sure I’ll catch a lot of flack for it, but I really think I would rather the kids read the book when they are older than actually see the movies which came out. To me, what little I saw of the first two movies were much darker than the actual books. In short, I thought the books were good, and the movies just plain creeped me out. Go figure!

Oh well, I guess that’s enough rambling for one night. Praying you are all safe and sound. May God bless you all.

Things have been crazy here today. H is not feeling too good, and I have been on the go almost all day. I just realized it’s after 10PM as I am writing this. Where did the day go? I had a meeting at friend’s house this morning and ended up staying until after 2PM. We worked on a lot of things for the ministry we are involved in, trying to get information out for an upcoming event. I took L and M2 with me so they could play with the other kids. They had a blast! That was the first time M2 had ever been there.

After I got back home I ended up going to Sam’s Club with my mom. We picked up a few things and then stopped by B & W’s new restaurant for a milkshake. They are so good! Absolutely the best milkshakes I’ve ever tasted.á We finally got home around 7:30, and lo and behold M2 promptly had a major confrontation with some gravel in the driveway as he was riding home on his bike. (He’s just started riding a two-wheeler.) After cleaning him up and making sure he was okay, it was time to get everyone ready for bed. That was easier to do than I thought because A and M1 discovered the Panthers were playing their first preseason game. They happily went to bed, so they could watch TV in their room in peace and quiet. (If there is such a thing during a football game! )

Well, I guess that’s about it for now. I’m going to try and get some sleep.

God Bless.

Well, I told you I would post some more ways parents provoke their children to anger. So here’s a few more.

11. Parents reversing God-given roles

12. Not Listening to your child’s opinion or taking his/her “side of the story” seriously

13. Comparing them to others

14. Not making time just to talk

15. Not praising or encouraging your child

16. Failing to keep your promises

17. Chastening in front of others

18. Not allowing enough freedom

19. Allowing too much freedom

20. Mocking your child

I’ll be honest. This book so far has been a wake up call to me. I wouldn’t have described myself as an angry person before, but I would have said I have some struggles with anger from time to time just like most other people. However, after having read some of what Mr. Priolo has written, I would have to admit I have probably shown more anger to my children than anyone. Now they are around me 24/7,á so they are more likely to see it, but that is the problem. They see it more than anyone else. So what have I been teaching them?

I have tended to reason away my behavior because I was “tired”. I didn’t “feel good”. I had just “hit my limit”.

I have been yelling more than I want. I don’t like that. My mother never yelled at me a lot. As a matter of fact, she very seldom yelled at me.

I don’t want my kids to remember me like this. I want them to grow up understanding how to deal with their emotions appropriately. I want them to grow up and look back on their childhood with smiles, not with sadness. God willing, day by day things will improve. I know every day won’t be a shining success, but it’s a journey I am willing to take…

I’m reading The Heart of Anger by Lou Priolo. I bought it at a homeschool book fair this past spring to help me with M1. He has a temper, and it worries me that at only 7 he can be very defiant at times. I’ve always belonged to the camp of “If I can’t handle them now what am I going to do in 10 years.” So, I wanted to check out this book and see what practical solutions it may offer.

It figures, the first thing the book did was to make me see I have to deal with my anger.

The book lists “25 Ways that Parents Provoke Their Children to Anger“

Here are just a few. (I haven’t gotten all the way through the list yet. )

1. Lack of Marital Harmony (as in “one flesh”)

2. Establishing and Maintaining a Child-Centered Home

3. Modeling Sinful Anger (ouch)

4. Habitually Discipling While Angry (another ouch)

5. Scolding

6. Being Inconsistent with Discipline

7. Having Double Standards

8. Being Legalistic

9. Not Admitting You’re Wrong and Not Asking Forgiveness

10. Constantly Finding Fault

This book is definitely giving me some things to mull over. I just thought I would go ahead and throw these out for you to think about. I will hopefully be back soon to talk more about them. Feel free to let me know what you think as I go.

Sorry it’s taken so long to write again. Things have been a little busy around here. We started back to school today, and I still have not gotten all my stuff together! :0 I’ll try to get that finished by tonight. Oh well.

We’ve been busy this past weekend helping our friends open up their second restaurant. This past Saturday was their trial run, and their official opening day is today! I can’t wait to hear how it is going! I have been praying all morning things go smoothly. I’ll let you know when I hear something!

“Now God gave Solomon wisdom and very great discernment and breadth of mind, like the sand that is on the seashore.” (1 Kings 4:29 NASV)

I have often wondered why, with all the wisdom Solomon possessed, did he fall away from God? After all, he was the wisest man who ever lived. It says he was given “very great discernment”. á Why would a man with so much discernment and head knowledge fall away? Why wouldn’t he above anyone else choose the right path?á He had the example of his father David. Why didn’t he follow David’s footsteps, or did he?

After all, by the time Solomon was born David had already sinned with Bathsheba. He was repentant, but it seems he did not have the relationship he had once had with God. As I’ve read 1-2 Samuel, I haven’t noticed where he is called a man after God’s own heart after his sin with Bathsheba. Maybe Solomon did follow David’s path. He started out strong and then pulled away from God as time passed. Now, David was repentant, and restored. I believe God fully forgave him, I just think there were certain consequences for his actions David never even contemplated.

Also, Davidá had a weakness for women. Solomon seemed to share that weakness. He married Pharaoh’s daughter, and had hundreds of wives and concubines. Those weaknesses gave Satan inroads. Solomon chose to walk down those paths. Which brings us back to the original question, why? How could a man with so much knowledge and discernment walk away from the path God intended?

Maybe it all comes down to something I have heard for many years:

How far is hell from heaven? About 12 inches. (The distance between your head and your heart.)

“Walk in wisdom toward those who are outside, redeeming the time. Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each other.” – Colossians 4:5-6 NKJV

Ouch. My speech lately hasn’t been very gracious, especially to those closest to me. And rather than being seasoned with salt, I would have to say it’s been mainly salt. Now don’t get me wrong, salt can be very good. It can help heal a wound, though it may be painful. However, too much salt will just dry you out. The salt lately for me has been bitterness and unforgiveness. I am in a bad place. I know I have bitterness in certain areas, but right now, I just do not want to choose to forgive. Not good. So today as I am writing this, I am having to lay everything out on the table, and be real. I know I need to forgive. I know I need to get rid of all this stuff in my spirit that I have allowed to grow there. I am reaping what I have sown. Satan helped cast the thoughts and feelings out there for me, but I chose to take it and plant it and nurture it. God help me, I did that, no one else.

I am seeing these seeds now grow in my children, because they are following my example. The other day I was reading in my Bible, and I found a few passages that really hit me hard. They caused me to write down the areas where I walk in the flesh rather than the Spirit. Today as I opened my Bible I found that paper. As I looked, I not only saw where I was failing God as His child. I also saw the roads I am leading my children. Paths of destruction and pain, not of peace and joy.

Now, I know I am not the worst mom in the world. Today is just one of those days where you realize how much better you could be doing. You know?

I want to do better. I just know it isn’t going to be easy. But it will be worth it!