Ponderings In The Field of Grace

I’m in my kitchen right now, watching it rain. It has rained the last couple of days. A good,  soaking rain. One that will soak into the ground, and not runoff. Just the kind of rain we needed.

In case you haven’t guessed, we are in one of the drought areas. We were 13 inches, I think, below normal. I have been thanking God everyday since the rain started. What a beautiful sight!

Well, it finally feels like fall at our house. The leaves are falling off the pecan and oak trees. The bikes are being put to more use. The trampoline net routinely needs to be fixed, and I actually had to turn the heat on the other night.

The kids are doing good, and The knight seems to be alright as well. I haven’t had the heart to break it to the kids that this coming week is a break week. So, no school! I am thinking about doing a mini-trip a day with them to just have some fun. Friday The Knight and I leave for a weekend getaway, the first one ever with no children (well, since we’ve had children anyway ).

The Knight was given a 3 day 2 night stay at a hotel at the beach. We can’t wait to go! The kids are each going to be spending time with some grandparents. The professor and Lil guy will be with my parents, while the Sports guy and Lil Princess will be with The Knight’s mom.

Honestly, as I type this, I am getting a little scared. I’ve been away from the kids before, and The Knight has as well. However, we’ve never both been away from them for a weekend.á Pray for me that I do okay, and don’t get worried and ruin our vacation.

On another note, the ministry we are involved in will be at another church tomorrow night. We are really looking forward to it. It is the church B and I visited this past Wednesday. I know God has a plan. I am so happy He’s letting me be a part of it.

Well, I guess that will about do it for now. I need to go see my dear husband. Take care, and I’ll see you soon.

God bless.

I went to another church tonight for worship/prayer service. It was so good. I have been trying for so long to feel like I fit somewhere, and here I just did. The worship was such a blessing. It wasn’t the ability of the singers. It was the purity of the worship which had me in tears. I watched the youth praise team, as they ministered through dance. WOW. I had tears down my face as I watched. And then, the pastor began to preach. He preached. I was confronted with Scripture after Scripture. All of it making me look in a mirror at someone I do not like, myself.

Over these last few weeks, God has been working on me in the areas of forgiveness and love. I’ve lost my balance. I’ve locked myself away in a comfortable box of comfort, a little bit of bitterness and anger, some hurt, and quite a bit of sanctamony. Unfortunately, that didn’t leave much room for God.

Tonight God made me take a long, hard look at myself. He made me see some things I didn’t want to see. But, He’s merciful. He’s giving me another chance. One toá remember myá first love. To remember what He saved me from. A chance to find my way home…

I wrote this the other day, and thought I had posted it. So here it is, a little late, but here nevertheless.

This past weekend I got to go on our church’s women’s retreat. I can’t tell you how much I enjoyed it. My friend J and I rode down together, and pretty much hung out the whole weekend. We got up early on Saturday and Sunday to have some quiet time on the beach. That was awesome. Just sitting in the sand, with the roar of the waves, and reading , worshiping and praying. Don’t get me wrong, the “sessions” were good, but those were the times when I think I learned the most.

We watched a DVD of a sermon John Bevere preached. The title of it was “The Bait of Satan”. It dealt with bitterness, and whether we have the right as Christians to hold onto hurts.

That one DVD helped me a lot. I have been struggling to forgive someone for three years. I have been holding on to that bitterness and letting it eat me up inside. Meanwhile the person I have been hurt by does not even care and has just continued on with their life. The bitterness has not helped me any, but I have desperately held on to it, and nurtured it for various reasons.

Everything that DVD said, I have pretty much heard before. But this time, God said it was time to let it go. So I did. I still don’t like what this person has/is doing, but at least now I can pray for them, and I do. That is so huge for me. I have never really been able to pray for this person before. Now, I understand how freeing forgiveness truly is.

Now comes the hard part. I can’t just let this be an emotional response to this past weekend. I need for this to be real. I have to walk in forgiveness. I have to choose the right path and stay on it.

It’s Saturday morning, and I’ve already surfed the internet, got the laundry going, researched some ideas for Christmas gifts, and just generally relaxed at home. This is one of those unusual days when I have several things I could do, but only one thing I need to do. So I am taking advantage of it right now.

I’m sitting here at my kitchen table on my laptop drinking coffee, and listening. The Professor and the Sports guy are in their room watching TV and playing with a puzzle. Lil guy is in the bathtub playing, while Lil Princess is bouncing happily on the trampoline as The Knight watches her through the window.

Life is good. God is better.

I have no idea what we are going to end up doing today, and it doesn’t matter.

Last week I was walking on the beach. This week I am enjoying the beauty of the woods and pond.

My old High School’s motto was carpe diem. Seize the day. Take everything you can from this day. You never know when it will be your last.